just another part of me

It’s the Eve of New Year’s Eve, and since I’ll be at Scott’s tomorrow, I figured I’d do my year-end/year-start report now. I’ll start by reviewing my “goals” from last year.

Resolution #1 – Find a New Job
INCOMPLETE. I tried, really, really hard. I mailed out well over a hundred applications, resumes, and letters of inquiry. I even had mild success; I interviewed for a behaviorist job I really wanted to get, but sadly, was not chosen for the position. But, when presented with adversity, I did what I always do: I reassess and re-plan. In this case, that meant taking the GREs and applying to grad school (again). I did the best I could on that one, but ultimately, the results were/are out of my control. This remains on the list for 2010.

Resolution #2 – Move Out
INCOMPLETE. I noted last year that this was largely dependent on goal #1. Part of me doesn’t even want to discuss this goal, because this is the only one that kind of stings that I couldn’t make good on. In some ways it’s good – Scott got a great new job and actually just got a promotion yesterday, and it makes going back to school easier because I don’t have to worry about leases or anything just yet. But in others…dear god, I need to be out of this house for a variety of reasons and it appears that I am stuck here until I either get into school or I get a new job. Sigh.

Resolution #3 – Be More Organized
BIG, HONKING, SHAMEFULLY INCOMPLETE. This one makes me laugh, because it was really setting myself up for failure to even put it on the list. Honestly, the most progress I’ve made towards this is regularly “tossing” the stash and reorganizing the yarn storage, but I can’t even mark this as a partially complete goal because I totally lost a knitting project. Remember that shawl I started over the summer? I lost it. Lost the whole thing, the bag with the yarn and pattern, and the size 6 KP Options needles (which is the part that really bums me out). The last time I saw it was when I packed it to take to Ohio over the summer, but my dad was just there for my grandma’s funeral, and both of my aunts say I didn’t leave it behind. I knew I hadn’t left it; the project never left my bag because for the entire five days we were out there, I was either in a car (and I can’t knit lace in a car – or at all, really), eating something in a restaurant, or watching the Michael Jackson news coverage because I left for Ohio two days after he died. Also, I may have lost my Bellatrix socks, as well, because I haven’t seen those in quite some time either, now I think about it…

So yeah. Organization = 1, me = 0. Fail.

Resolution #4 – Stop Making Excuses/Do More!
AS COMPLETE AS IT CAN BE. For a goal with no concrete “completion” criteria, I think I did pretty well with this one. For starters, I joined the gym, and have been going three days a week, most weeks, and the weeks that I don’t do three days, I do at least two. I can’t say I’ve lost a ton of weight, but I definitely have built some muscle and I do look better in my clothes. I’ve actually gone out with my coworkers for several work-related occasions and have been seeing quite a few of them socially just for fun. I still cop out of some things – who doesn’t? – but I’m not as isolated as I used to be socially, and even though I haven’t been doing anything extreme like traveling the world or climbing mountains, I feel better about myself and my ability to make friends and just generally be a person.

Despite the tally here, I still feel like 2009 has been a more successful year. I did as much as I could to progress on the two resolutions that were beyond my control, and I made more progress than I expected on #4, which I expected would have been my most difficult goal, because it required me to change some pretty ingrained aspects of my personality. For 2010, I would like to leave #s 1, 2, and 4 on the table. I’m taking #3 off, because, really, who am I kidding, and am adding some new ones:

Resolution #5 – Shut up and knit my damn yarn/spin my damn fiber.
Guys. I can’t even tell you how much yarn and fiber I have. I know there are people with more, but this is kind of an issue because apparently my stash is beginning to eat itself, if my missing project(s) are any indication. I have a large four-drawer Rubbermaid chest full of yarn, three queen-sized mattress bags stuffed under my bed full of yarn, yarn in random places in my room because they wouldn’t fit in the chest or the bags, and…wait for it…a 20-gallon Rubbermaid tub of unspun fiber in my closet. My stash may actually exceed my life expectancy, and I really need to shut up and quit being all, “I need new yarn!” because I totally don’t. However, I do still want to go to Rhinebeck in October and buy yarn, so I’m setting myself a goal of at least 8 completed projects for 2010, not counting the ones that are currently on the needles. I know, it doesn’t sound like much, but I’m not a particularly prolific knitter. (Also, a “completed project” also includes spinning, plying, and setting a batch of fiber.)

Resolution #6 – Give back.
I always say that I want to volunteer and be more charitable, and I never do. I’d like to change that this year. I have enough yarn for at least five Snuggles in my stash; I’d like to knit and donate those this year. I’m also thinking about volunteering at the local animal rescue, too. So I need to take that first step and contact the rescue to see if they have a spot for me.

There you have it. The State of the Orange.

Mirrored from winged orange.

Today was an odd day. It started with very bad news, which I can share, and very good news, which I can’t. (I can tell you that the good news isn’t mine, but it makes me happier than I have words for right now.) The bad news is that my grandmother on my dad’s side, my Grandma, passed away this morning. I’m having a hard time with it, but not as much because of her passing as because of my lack of grief. My Grandma has had Alzheimer’s for roughly the last ten years, and for the last seven or eight of those years, she hasn’t known me. We only saw her once a year as it was because my dad’s side of the family lives so far away, so that plus the Alzheimer’s didn’t add up to a lot of remembering. The last four years or so, she didn’t even know her own name. So in some ways, I let go of my Grandma a long time ago, and I don’t have a lot left to mourn. And in other ways, it’s…I don’t want to say it’s a relief, because that seems wrong. But visiting was always hard, especially for my dad, and it’ll be nice to visit my aunts without our “daily depression” as my dad puts it. And to be honest, living with advanced Alzheimer’s is really no way to live.

I always had a better relationship with my dad’s mom than I ever did with my mom’s mother, even though we see my mom’s parents every week. My dad’s mom was just more maternal, more grandmotherly. She was always happy to see us, always took us to Pizza Hut, and always made me bacon for breakfast when I visited. My Grandma and I are a lot alike, both physically (short, busty, round face, blue eyes) and in personality (always ready to go on a trip, nosy, domestic, and independent). My Grandma is the reason I knit. She always knit and crocheted and made toys and quilts, and I wanted to do it, too. She didn’t teach me, because we lived so far away, but it was a nice surprise for her when I made my first visit after I had taught myself. She was happy that I was knitting too, and impressed that I taught myself out of a book.

Grandma got married at 13 (I know) and had 11 kids (I KNOW), 9 of whom made it to adulthood (she had twins that died at birth), and 8 of whom I’ve met (my Uncle Finley died in Vietnam). So with that kind of a background, she was always after her kids and grandkids to get married. Even when the Alzheimer’s started to set in, in the early stages when she still knew who I was, she would always ask me the same three questions: “What day is it? What year is it? Do you have a boyfriend?” I never had the answer she wanted when she knew who I was, but I always made sure I told her, “And by the way grandma, I do have a boyfriend!” when I would visit, even when she was to the point where she didn’t know her own name. I like to think it made her happy.

Grandma was also awfully smart. She managed and ran several stores on her own, even with really no schooling because of being married at 13. She was loving and fun, but willful and stubborn.  She was a family woman, but still liked her independence. There is an awful lot of my Grandma in me, and that makes me happy. She was a pretty cool lady. :)

Scott and I have discussed baby names, and one of my favorites for girls has always been Isabelle, which was my Grandma’s middle name. I’m glad that I’ll be able to incorporate that into my own family someday. Maybe my Isabelle will be a knitter too.

…Well, okay. Probably my Isabelle will be a knitter. This is me we’re talking about. ;)

Mirrored from winged orange.

This was a productive weekend in a lot of ways. First of all, I wrapped all the gifts currently in my possession:

And created a new gift that needs to be wrapped:

It’s getting there. :)

Mirrored from winged orange.

Christmas wrapping is going to kick my ass this year. A couple of things had started to trickle in through the mail over the last couple of days, and today I came home to a rather large amazon.com box in my room with even more presents. There are a few more that are still due to come in, but the bulk of it is in. Every day for the last week, I’ve come home from work, looked at the ever-increasingly pile, and said to myself, “Gee, I should start wrapping this” and then…don’t.

Usually Christmas wrapping goes as follows:

• December 1 – 7: “I don’t need to wrap yet. I don’t have anywhere to put these presents anyway.”
• December 7-14: “I should probably wrap at least a couple of these, huh? Maybe later.”
• December 15-21: “These really need to get wrapped. It’s getting close to Christmas.”
• December 21-23: “OH CRAP IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS AND NOTHING IS WRAPPED.”
• December 24: “MUST. WRAP. FASTER.”

That last bullet? This is totally where I was last year. My dad and my brother always ask me to wrap the presents they’ve bought as well, because apparently they are helpless when it comes to anything that needs to look nice, so I wrap 2/3 of the gifts for my house. It’s crazy. Last year I was up until 2 AM Christmas morning wrapping, partly because of the sheer number of gifts and partly because of my own procrastination.

Let the games begin!

Mirrored from winged orange.

I’m participating in Holidailies this year, which is a pledge to update my blog daily between today and January 6, or as often as I can with holiday obligations, as long as I post 20 entries. There are daily prompts in case I get stuck, but today I think I have things to talk about.

This year, I tried avoid Christmas knitting. It’s never gone especially well for me (although in 2007, I almost “won” and finished everything on my list), and this year with grad school applications, I knew I wasn’t going to have time, so I didn’t even set myself up for the stress and disappointment. Unfortunately, I may have overcompensating by buying a ton of gifts to make up for the lack of handmade presents under the tree, even though I really don’t think anybody misses the handmade gifts all that much. I was going to finish my handspun scarf and my snowflake mitts so I would be nice and toasty for once while I waited outside on bus duty in the mornings.

Then my mom asked for a new pair of fingerless mitts. I whipped one out for her right damn quick; the other is marinating for a bit because I can’t knit two of the same thing back to back, even if the two things will only constitute ONE finished project when they’re both done. The one that’s done looks good, though:

And then the two girls at work started asking whether we were exchanging gifts, so to save some money (since I’m sort of bankrupting myself on Christmas), I decided to knit stuff for them. It’s not much – a halfway finished hat, and a simple drop-stitch scarf – but still. I am amazed at how often I say I’m not going to do something (go to the gym, sleep in, knit for people, take work home with me) and then I turn around and do it anyway.

I need to go finish that hat, now. :)

Mirrored from winged orange.

Happy holiday season, everyone! I love the holidays. They make me unnaturally happy. I feel like a better person at Christmas, and I kind of want to be a better person at Christmas. In that vein, I’m actually starting with the man (woman?) in the mirror this holiday. I’m having my students write Letters to Santa for the Macy’s Believe campaign, and we’re starting a Giving Tree bulletin board to track the good things we’re doing this holiday season. I’m also planning to knit at least one more Snuggle and hopefully some mittens for my LYS’s Giving Tree. I think that will be in my New Year’s goals this year – giving back. This year has been a better year for me. I want to make next year better for someone else.

Last year, I posted an entry on my anniversary about how 2009 would be OUR year. My anniversary was yesterday. Scott and I have officially been together for five years. That’s 60 months, or 1461 days (there was a leap year in there), or roughly 2,628,000 minutes for those that are counting. In other words, that’s a long time! Our relationship could go to kindergarten. It’s pretty crazy.

What’s also pretty crazy is that, in a lot of ways, 2009 was really our year. Not in all the ways we imagined it, of course – I still don’t have a new job, for example, and Scott hasn’t sold a TV series. But I did apply for grad school, and Scott did get a steady new job in communications/film – he’s a content/outreach producer for a network run by Madison Square Garden. I did quit my part-time job, even though I didn’t get a raise or a flashy new salary to replace it. And we are getting engaged, probably in 2010. My ring is on hold at Helzberg, but Scott’s keeping a pretty tight lid on the details of when I’m going to get it. :)

Even though I’m not where I want to be in my life just yet, for the first time, I feel like I’m making real steps towards getting there. Submitting my grad apps, going to the gym, picking out my engagement ring, booking the trip to Disney…they seem like small things, but they’re all adding up to something big. I’m hoping by this time next year, I’ll be happily situated in a graduate program and planning my wedding. I feel like Scott and I are finally getting a handle on this whole crazy ride that we’re on, and sooner or later, it’s gonna be legen…wait for it…DARY.

Happy December, everyone. :)

Mirrored from winged orange.

I stayed home from work today. Apparently I’m having an allergic reaction to the Z-Pak I was given for a sinus infection, which basically means low-grade fevers, stomachaches, nausea, a nasty headache, and not a lot of eating or moving, both of which cause lovely gastrointestinal pyrotechnics. I slept pretty much all day, but around 3:00, I decided I’d better get up so I’m not up all night. I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Since I’ve been up, I wanted to be productive, so I pulled out my Moonwalker batt. I’ve been kind of mulling over how to spin this, and then I saw a project on Ravelry. It was this lace scarf, knit out of handspun pastel singles. I loved the color progression more than the pattern, but the pattern really is pretty, looking at the other projects. My brain immediately replaced the pretty pastels with the blues and purples in my Moonwalker batt, and I went, “OOOH! DO WANT!” The nice thing about spinning singles is that, first of all, I won’t lose any yardage in plying. Also, there will be minimal opportunity for me to screw it up, unlike the great beaded yarn fiasco of 2009. It’s still in time out. We don’t talk about it much.

So anyway, I unrolled the batt, got an idea of the color sequence, and decided that I wanted to mirror it. So the pretty turquoise is in the middle, and will be flanked on both sides by purple, dark blue/indigo, and black. And once I decided that…I took a million pictures! Click for bigger.

So much blue. I love it. LOLRabbit says it best:

Mirrored from winged orange.

Well, my Monday morning actually looked a little crazy. It sort of started with me running back into the house, yelling, “I FORGOT MY PANTS!” In reality, I had put on the wrong pants – navy blue instead of black – gotten down the street on the way to work and came running back for the right ones, but I was reminded of this How I Met Your Mother episode where Marshall forgets his pants, and giggled the whole way.

I knew it was going to be an interesting Monday, especially because after that setback, I was still a good 15 minutes early for work. Monday’s starting off well.

Work itself was uneventful, but I felt like going to the gym, which hasn’t happened in while. I’ve been going, but I haven’t felt like it in weeks. Today I was really in the mood to go, which was nice for once. Monday’s not so terrible.

And then I get home and there’s a package waiting for me from Krissy! I love mail, especially spontaneous, unexpected mail. So I opened up the package and pulled out lots and lots of lovelies. Holy cow, Monday just got awesome!

Some fantastically bright knee socks, a promo badge from This Is It (because my lame-o theater didn’t have any, so Krissy sent me hers. Awwwwww. :), and…Moonwalker! I can’t even tell you how freaking excited I was by that. I love Moonwalker in a way I can’t quite explain and now I own my very, very own copy. SO HAPPY.

I really have pretty wonderful friends. Scott bought me a This Is It poster (and a 3 DVD set of MJ videos) out of the goodness of his not-particularly-MJ-lovin’-but-very-supportive heart when he was in the city a couple of weeks ago. Krissy sends me joy in the mail. Katie’s not buying me Ghosts for Christmas. Someone’s sending out a major love over here. You guys are awesome. :)

Other happiness includes the fact that I am done spinning for my alpaca scarf. I have a little more left to ply and then everything needs a wash and whack, but it came out exactly as I hoped it would. It’s slubby and thick and thin and underspun in some places and soft and squishy and fluffy. I tried long draw spinning for the first time with this project, and I really loved it. It’s going to be a really beautiful one-row handspun scarf. After the beaded yarn of DOOM, this was exactly what I needed to remind me that no, I don’t really fail at spinning. ;)

Also, over the weekend, we did Leaf Roundup 2009. I hate raking leaves, but we had a good weekend for it, some extra hands, and we managed to bang out the majority of the raking. We have 27 trees on half-acre my parents’ house sits on (I know), and they aren’t bare yet, but the rest of the raking will be maintenance, not a huge chore like it was over the weekend. Still, look at these leaf piles! They’re crazy! The leaves are (mostly) dry, but there are…so…many of them. What’s in the picture is maybe a fifth of the leaves. The piles are everywhere, all along the front of our house, and they are well over four feet tall. I’m 5′0″, and we had a picture of me next to one, but it was terrible. Still. You could kill me, bury me in the leaf piles, and no one would ever find me. Unreal.

And finally, revisiting Moonwalker for a moment, the final reason why I am joyously happy on a Monday. Remember that really fabulous batt I bought at Rhinebeck? The one I wanted all year? I knew there was a reason I loved it.

Yeah, that’s what I said. ;)

Mirrored from winged orange.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’alls neighborhood

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

(That’s why you got to feel threatened by me.)

Mirrored from winged orange.

Or, alternately: “Lloyd Says, ‘Don’t Trust a Ho’.”

It’s Monday and I miss Rhinebeck already. I was missing Rhinebeck once I got back to the Garden State Parkway yesterday, because people don’t drive like jackasses in upstate New York. Honestly, I was on the Parkway about thirty seconds before I was honked at twice, passed, and cut off on a lane switch. Sometimes I am so not proud to be from New Jersey.

Anyway. Rhinebeck was, as usual, awesome. Amanda and I had a really good time, even though it was gray and cold and kind of rainy. We knew we had to get a bad year weather-wise eventually, but I was kind of hoping it would be some other year far in the future at a time when I maybe couldn’t go to Rhinebeck (i.e. a time that does not exist). The drive was really pleasant, and fast this year! We also tried an alternate way of getting into the fairgrounds, which was amazing, because we waited maybe two minutes to park instead of the 45 minutes we waited last year. I was better prepared for the cold this year, and did not freeze. And on the way up, Amanda played me a song called “Don’t Trust a Ho”. I died when I heard the lyrics. “Did they just say, ‘Don’t trust a ho’?!” “Yep.” “*cracks up* That is sound advice!”

(Also good advice? Following the cut so your blog reader doesn’t die when the pictures load.)

Mirrored from winged orange.